Monday, November 24, 2003

The Exhausting Element of Surprise 

If you've ever tried to put together even a small surprise gathering for somebody, then you are intimately familiar with Sir Walter Scott's famous quotation "Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!" And if you add fuel to the fire by attempting to surprise somebody with an entire vacation, you will surely tell enough lies to send you straight to hell in a hand basket.

Over the past few months I have told my very-soon-to-be-forty-year-old husband a veritable landslide of lies ... a mountain of mendacities ... a whole heap of whoppers ... a -- well, I'm sure you get the picture. On top of that, I managed to coerce family members and friends to fib right along with me. (Happy Birthday, Darling, we've all been talking behind your back and lying to you for months!)

All for the element of surprise.

Thank God I can leave my life of lies behind me now! An intimate dinner party at a local restaurant was held last night and my husband is greatly anticipating his fast-approaching surprise birthday vacation to the hot hot hot sand of South Beach. My pulse has returned (somewhat) to normal, and I even remembered to eat today. (I completely forgot to eat yesterday, which made me very receptive to the Chianti, but not so responsive to figuring out the check!)

As exciting as it was, I am grateful that my feast of fabricated falsehoods, fibs, and farfetched fairytales has come to an end. (Along with my over-indulgence of alliteration, you will be happy to note.) I don't think my heart could have taken another day of the stress.

I have always been attracted to the element of surprise. One April Fool's Day when I was around six years old, my mother covertly watched me as I filled a bucket with water and, using a chair, managed to balance the bucket on my brother's slightly ajar bedroom door. Eight years older than me, he was due home from school any moment. Luckily, the potential disaster was prevented when my mother somehow alerted my brother to the nasty trick when I wasn't watching. A ride to the hospital would have been inevitable since the galvanized steel bucket was very heavy, not to mention rusty.

All for the element of surprise.

I will never lie again. (Unless, of course, you count this one.)
e-mail this writer

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?