Monday, November 10, 2003
Real Simple = Real Silly
I apologize in advance to all of this magazine's rabid fans out there (and you know who you are), but I think Real Simple Magazine is just plain silly.
OK, I admit it, I do not actually subscribe to the gorgeously glossy magazine itself, but thanks to America Online’s partnership with Time (the publishing entity behind Real Simple), I get to read witty excerpts from the magazine each day on my AOL Welcome page. In fact, I actually chose to add these comments to my Welcome page when I customized it upon upgrading to AOL 9. Silly me.
Whenever I get around to reading these excerpts, I am almost always struck by the sheer vapidity of the advice they contain. Today's article on “10 Surprise Uses for Your Microwave” (subtitled “Make the most of this versatile kitchen appliance”) made me laugh out loud. Can “Cook Your Vegetables” and “Decrystallize Honey” really qualify as “surprise” uses for your microwave? How about “Soften Brown Sugar” or “Partially Cook Foods for the Grill?” Isn't this what a microwave is for? Am I the only one who read the manual?
I can only imagine the author’s original query letter pitching the article to the editor:
How lowbrow will this magazine go? I think I am going to pitch a few article ideas to them myself:
OK, obviously I remembered to take me sarcasm pill this morning. And since I have now guaranteed that Real Simple Magazine will never hire me as a writer, I simply must go read their article on “How to Load a Dishwasher.” (And no, I did not make this title up.)
e-mail this writer
OK, I admit it, I do not actually subscribe to the gorgeously glossy magazine itself, but thanks to America Online’s partnership with Time (the publishing entity behind Real Simple), I get to read witty excerpts from the magazine each day on my AOL Welcome page. In fact, I actually chose to add these comments to my Welcome page when I customized it upon upgrading to AOL 9. Silly me.
Whenever I get around to reading these excerpts, I am almost always struck by the sheer vapidity of the advice they contain. Today's article on “10 Surprise Uses for Your Microwave” (subtitled “Make the most of this versatile kitchen appliance”) made me laugh out loud. Can “Cook Your Vegetables” and “Decrystallize Honey” really qualify as “surprise” uses for your microwave? How about “Soften Brown Sugar” or “Partially Cook Foods for the Grill?” Isn't this what a microwave is for? Am I the only one who read the manual?
I can only imagine the author’s original query letter pitching the article to the editor:
- Dear Real Simple Editor,
Research has scientifically proven that homemakers are underutilizing one of the most versatile tools in their kitchen: the microwave. Did you know that you can cook vegetables in it? Soften brown sugar? Dry your pantyhose? Heat cat food? Warm your slippers?
Please pay me big bucks to write this 500-word article. I can have it done in practically no time because I will be taking most of it from my microwave's manual.
Simply yours,
Writer X
PS Just kidding about the pantyhose and the slippers, but everything else is true!
How lowbrow will this magazine go? I think I am going to pitch a few article ideas to them myself:
- Seven Things That Can Be Used as Coasters
- No Stress Thanksgiving Takeout Ideas
- Ten Uses for Olive Oil Outside of the Kitchen
- Creative Ideas for Your Old Laptop
- Five Ways to Reuse Aluminum Foil
- Toilet Paper and Christmas: Perfect Together
OK, obviously I remembered to take me sarcasm pill this morning. And since I have now guaranteed that Real Simple Magazine will never hire me as a writer, I simply must go read their article on “How to Load a Dishwasher.” (And no, I did not make this title up.)
e-mail this writer
