Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Phoney
I am not the kind of person that would…
Can you tell I have phone issues?
I don’t know when or how this started, but I truly dislike speaking on the phone. My husband has informed me that most people know this about me as I make it very obvious by sounding short with them. Or bored. Or silent. (I obviously failed the telephone etiquette portion of "How To Win Friends and Influence People.")
Sorry. It’s nothing personal.
I know that when I was a teenager you could hardly keep me OFF the phone. In fact, I have some very fond memories of party lines and titillating teenage talk. (Yes, there were still party lines in the late 60’s and early 70’s…stop laughing.) I also recall that my friend Jane and I spent a very long stretch of 6th grade enchanted by phone conversations with “Bill” and “Private” whom I met accidentally one day by misdialing Jane’s phone number by one digit. This fascinated us for some reason, and soon all four of us were the best of phone friends, racking up the hours. I can’t remember what we talked about, but I am sure it was of the “who likes who” and “my teacher is worse than your teacher” variety. Loud farting was probably involved on the boys’ part and giggling on ours. This was the 70's version of IM-ing, I guess.
I think part of my phone issue is that I find it almost impossible to do only one thing at a time anymore. I am the master of multi-tasking. Or perhaps, more accurately, its slave.
It’s not that I don’t want to talk to anybody; it’s just that doing so usually prevents me from doing anything else. In fact, I find that I typically make most of my phone calls when I can combine the call with something else, such as folding laundry (the perfect phone call activity), emptying the dishwasher (too noisy, really, but I do it anyhow), or cooking (sometimes dangerous, but generally OK). I have even started to call people when I walk the dog (not fair to him) or drive places (not fair to other drivers).
I am not the kind of person that would…
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- Lie about it when you wake me up with a phone call. If you call me and I am sleeping I will probably sound groggy and grumpy. But why shouldn’t I? You woke me up! What is the purpose of fibbing about this? Almost without fail, the other person knows you are lying. So why bother? And what’s the big deal anyhow? I was only sleeping, not robbing a bank or cheating on a test. Why lie? In fact, I would be MORE apt to lie and SAY I was sleeping when I actually wasn’t but just don’t feel like talking on the phone. (Not that I have, in fact, ever done this. But I would be more likely to.)
- Answer the phone during dinner. Or lunch. Why should I? I don’t want my food to get cold, and if I am chatting on the phone I won’t be able to focus on my food. And I DO love my food.
- Answer the phone while I am watching a movie on TV. Why should I? I am occupied.
- Obey call waiting. Why should I? I am already talking on the phone with somebody else. I tried to get rid of this “feature”, but my phone company refuses to do it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. And if you put me on call waiting, I will count to sixty and if you are not back I will hang up.
- Play the “guess who” game. If you call me up and say “guess who,” I will hang up on you in a heartbeat. I have a friend who used to do this all of the time. He doesn't anymore. In fact, he doesn't call anymore now that I think of it. Hmmm...
Can you tell I have phone issues?
I don’t know when or how this started, but I truly dislike speaking on the phone. My husband has informed me that most people know this about me as I make it very obvious by sounding short with them. Or bored. Or silent. (I obviously failed the telephone etiquette portion of "How To Win Friends and Influence People.")
Sorry. It’s nothing personal.
I know that when I was a teenager you could hardly keep me OFF the phone. In fact, I have some very fond memories of party lines and titillating teenage talk. (Yes, there were still party lines in the late 60’s and early 70’s…stop laughing.) I also recall that my friend Jane and I spent a very long stretch of 6th grade enchanted by phone conversations with “Bill” and “Private” whom I met accidentally one day by misdialing Jane’s phone number by one digit. This fascinated us for some reason, and soon all four of us were the best of phone friends, racking up the hours. I can’t remember what we talked about, but I am sure it was of the “who likes who” and “my teacher is worse than your teacher” variety. Loud farting was probably involved on the boys’ part and giggling on ours. This was the 70's version of IM-ing, I guess.
I think part of my phone issue is that I find it almost impossible to do only one thing at a time anymore. I am the master of multi-tasking. Or perhaps, more accurately, its slave.
It’s not that I don’t want to talk to anybody; it’s just that doing so usually prevents me from doing anything else. In fact, I find that I typically make most of my phone calls when I can combine the call with something else, such as folding laundry (the perfect phone call activity), emptying the dishwasher (too noisy, really, but I do it anyhow), or cooking (sometimes dangerous, but generally OK). I have even started to call people when I walk the dog (not fair to him) or drive places (not fair to other drivers).
I am not the kind of person that would…
- Run to answer the phone. If I get there in time, I will pick it up. If I don’t, you will get the machine. Leave a message. I will call you back the next time I have laundry to fold.
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